It’s been two months. Two months of deep searing pain. Crying everyday. Thinking, wishing, longing for her. I have several friends who have lost their wives over the past few years. I empethized with them as best I could. But I never understood the depth of it, even though I knew mine was coming. I’ve seen a couple of them since Kris died and have told them, “Now I understand.”
When it came, it was indescribably excruciating. It still is. I feel it in my bone marrow, I’m washed in it everyday, along with my tears. It comes in waves and hits like Mike Tyson. It is so deep I can’t find the bottom. I don’t want to find the bottom. I don’t want to feel good. I don’t want to feel joy. I want to feel her, and the only way I feel her now is through the pain of losing her.
I will find the bottom someday. But not now. Now I embrace the pain. I look for it, because it’s all I have left of her. It’s probably not healthy, but I don’t care.
To all of you that have lost a loved one; Now I understand.
Along The Way 
I FULLY understand!!
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I understand a bit of what you are experiencing. Losing Kerry was by far the worst pain I have felt. I felt that not a soul understood me. I cried constantly, looked at the few pictures I have of her many times during the day…some thought I was torturing myself by looking at the pictures. They didn’t understand. For some reason, I felt closer to her when I was feeling the pain of losing her. Little did I know that that pain and grief were tools to healing. I didn’t think I would ever feel normal again. At the time, I didn’t really want to. I wanted time to stand still. The days and weeks were stealing her away from me even more. As I look back today, I did what was right for me…if I felt like crying, I didn’t try to stop it. I let it take over for the time that was needed. Other people didn’t understand. Everyone grieves differently, so if you feel like crying, do it! Feeling what you are feeling is normal. I understand!
Love you!!
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The above comment is from your sister Deb! I have no idea where that othername came from.
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