Just an update

It has been too long since I last wrote about our life and journey with Kris and Alzheimers. My thoughts over this past year have been just too dark and depressing to even express.  Kris is at a point where she needs assistance with the most basic functions in life. Putting on socks, a shirt, showering, brushing teeth, using the toilet, communicating and just getting out of the house to go somewhere, have all become such a challenge for her and us.

There was a point this last summer where I was so angry and stressed. Have you ever been stressed and not realized until someone brought it to your attention? Nobody had to bring it to my attention this time. I was finally able to tell others how much pressure I felt, not my norm. It was good for me to be able to admit that I needed help. I had spent the last 2 years just trying to keep up with the logistics of making sure that Kris was taken care of, knowing the whole time that the emotional weight was still there…waiting, calling, eager to be dealt with.

It finally got it’s day. I remember one day in particular, it was a day off and I was home alone with Kris. We were trying to get her dressed and were tussling over getting her shirt on, arms going in the neck hole, arms getting into the sleeve hole and then getting pulled back out, shirt up and over the head and almost on, then pulled back off…spiraling out of my control…shirt thrown across the room…stomping out. I found myself in the kitchen at the back door. I opened the door and slammed it as hard as I could, hoping to do damage to it. No damage, so I tried a dozen more times. Still no damage. Lots of anger and shame tho. Just being honest enough to tell this story has been  good for me. I’m just not one who shares everything. But I have learned that things must change. I need to let people in, share more with my family, let my friends know where I am emotionally and spiritually.

Sometimes it hurts to read Scripture.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.   Jeremiah 29:11

This passage had a completely different meaning 3 years ago. It was easy to have hope. It was easy to plan our future. It was easy to trust God. He does have plans for us. I believe good plans for us. I don’t fully see them, I don’t fully understand them and definitely can’t even imagine what our future holds.

I know this, God has prospered us: With a deep love for each other. Kris can’t talk much, but everyday I tell her I love her and she tells me she loves me. I can see in here eyes that it is a clear statement, not just a repeat of what I said. It gives me hope. He has prospered us with a loving  family:  All of our kids and their spouses continue to sacrifice for us and I couldn’t be more grateful or proud to be their dad and father-in- law. They are our future and it’s good.

 

16 thoughts on “Just an update

    1. Thank you for sharing this. We know how difficult it has been. You have been stronger than anyone I know, we feel good with you taking care of and dealing with the terrible condition of our daughter.
      God bless you and the kids. love to all

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  1. So loved sitting next to her at the Christmas party. We touched forehead to forehead and “talked”. It was sweet and sad at the same time. I wish I had the opportunity to know her before… We pray for you and John especially understands your struggle.

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  2. Thank you for sharing your honest feelings. Being a caregiver to a loved one is so heartbreaking. The grief process over realizing that the future you thought was going to be… will not be is humbling. Anger,frustration,and sorrow. Being vulnerable is hard. Asking for help is harder. Praying over you and your family.

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  3. PASTOR Dave I can’t imagine what you are going through. Thanks for sharing and we will hold you and your family in prayer.

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  4. Pastor Dave,

    Thanks for sharing your family’s story. You do so much for the community and church. Know that we all love you and are thinking about and praying for you and your family, especially this Christmas.

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  5. Dave, My heart aches for you and both families. If I can help via long distance, in any way, please let me know. Call anytime if you feel the need or want. Love you bunches!

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  6. God’s path intersects and allows the privilege of walking beside some amazing people who impact our lives. The time we were able to walk with you and Kris and family are some of my fondest memories. My prayers are with you both as you travel this hard turn down a difficult path.

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  7. Dave,
    Danny and I love you and Kris.
    It is so dang tough! Remember that you are only human and you will draw on God’s strength daily, and sometimes minute by minute. May God continue to carry you and Kris on this most difficult journey.

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  8. Pastor Dave,
    I just want to say that I whole heartedly commend you for the courage it took to post such a vulnerable part of your life. I’ve always admired your frankness in the sermons you give. Thanks for being brave enough to be yourself! Kris and you are in our prayers.

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  9. Dave,
    I read this and reply with tears streaming down my face. You are an amazing human. Much love and many prayers for god to continue to guide you and your family in caring for Kris as best as humanly possible.

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